If I scream loud enough

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If I scream loud enough

Post by Connie on Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:51 pm

Will it make this child of mine grow up already? Honestly.. I am just about out of my mind..

Today she gets ready to leave and take Julian out in the rain and cold... I mention that he doesn't have any shoes or socks on, she tells me she can't find any socks for him.. Hmmm I bought him at least 20 pairs of socks at the beginning of Summer and he hasn't worn any since early in the Summer season..

Sooo I am being annoyed and say "well if you would get off your butt and texting on the phone and do his laundry he might have some socks".. then she tries to claim she can't find any to wash... Ummm NOPE.. she hasn't cleaned their room in MONTHS and she hasn't done laundry in MONTHS... He has the clothes that I wash when I feel sorry for the baby.

I did NOT argue this fact though.. I know she is already angry over the comment I made.

So tonight, she comes home.. we never know when she will be here or not.. and then says.. oh we are out of milk as she is filling his bottle.. this is 930 at night.... I knew we low earlier but there was plenty for a bedtime bottle AND Katies cereal in the morning.. IF he was here. So I tell her "well it's a little late to be letting us know"..

Now the whole time she is texting on the phone as usual... and she is trying to get Julian to bed and he is fighting it... THEN I hear her actually talking on the phone "oh you want to go get something to eat?.. okay".. THen she gets Julian out of bed and says lets go bye bye... So I tell her "well bring back some milk"... Of course she has a fit that she has no money and she isn't buying dinner..

MY problem isn't the milk or the money.. It's the fact that she EXPECTS us to have whatever she needs at any given moment and read her mind to know whether or not we need to worry about her or Julian.. It's also the fact that even though she is yelling at him about getting to bed she has NO qualms about getting him OUT of bed to take her boyfriend out to dinner!

In fact last night I DID feel bad for her.. it was just me and Katie and we would have been happy with soup and sandwiches for dinner but I felt guilty for not making a "good dinner" the last few nights... So I made fajitas... guess who was here to eat them? Me and Katie.... I just want to scream long and loud right now... and make it all better.
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by Connie on Wed Oct 06, 2010 12:58 am

Quick update.... well I lost it tonight after all and told her the basics.... Get off the flipping phone and get your priorities straight... well actually I screamed Get off your a** and the phone and get your priorities straight... Miss Katie was still awake and flipped out because... I said the "a" word... yep.. I don't cuss normally so when I do.. my kids know Im serious... Sooo had to calm Miss Katie down while I was still yelling at Kirstin and explaining that THIS was not acceptable..

So she came back with "fine I will go to a shelter"... Well it took everything I had but I told her.. "okay if you think a shelter is going to have less rules than we have here.. go for it".. Seriously.. since she started school, we have asked her to make sure she doesn't throw Julians diapers in the bathroom garbage.... that is IT...

She comes home once or twice a week and does dishes.. this does NOT include the table or counters... just the dishes... not even wiping out around the sink!

I am sooo done... and I feel sooo guilty... is it really okay to give up?
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by Connie on Wed Oct 06, 2010 12:58 am

Guess who just walked through the door?
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by agaphmou on Wed Oct 06, 2010 3:04 am

Connie,I take it the baby is your daughter's son? I'm sure you mentioned it before but I don't remember.If she's old enough to make and have a baby she has to be more responsible,of course you know this.I don't blame you for flipping out.Let her go to the shelter and see how pleasant it is.I'm sure in a couple of days she would be begging you to come home.You would also have the ability to threaten that if she doesn't ship up,she could go back to the shelter. How old is she? she sounds like a teen.It sounds like she needs major tough love.
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by edbson on Wed Oct 06, 2010 9:30 am

So did she go to a Shelter? She will find that they will NOT put up with her treating the baby innappropriately, screaming or anything like that. They WILL call CPS.


I would sit down with her and outline a set of rules....write them down and post them on the fridge if you have to. Stuff like NO texting if the baby is awake( Who is paying her phone bill?) Do laundry on X and X days, no exceptions....etc...you get the idea.

Hang in there, it IS tough...and I find it so hard to keep my mouth shut. I am sort of dealing with my sister again, and the fatc that I will probably end up with her 13 month old in the near future....not looking forward to that.

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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by agaphmou on Wed Oct 06, 2010 2:40 pm

Erin why will you end up with her baby???
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by edbson on Wed Oct 06, 2010 3:31 pm

She is back to doing stuff she shouldn't, mainly drugs. CPS has been on her ass for a month or two now, and I see it coming. Hopefully not, the LAST thing I want is to be saddled with a baby....but if it is better for her then I will do it.

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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by agaphmou on Wed Oct 06, 2010 3:38 pm

oh wow,that's really tough
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by trax on Wed Oct 06, 2010 7:52 pm

How old are these children; that have children?

Both are Sad fallen situations.
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by Connie on Wed Oct 06, 2010 8:34 pm

Thanks everyone for listening.. I just needed to vent and DID end up venting at her last night as well.

Trax she is 22 and the baby is 18 mos. She did not go to the shelter, she left for awhile, came back and I was still fuming. I asked her "I thought you were going to the shelter?" She said "I didn't mean tonight".. So that set me off again and I told her she doesn't get to make empty threats and not back them up. I explained that we loved her and the baby but I was done.. If she couldn't follow the simple rules here then go ahead and go.

Then I explained that the shelter would also have rules and they would be a lot tougher. I also explained that the first time she was sitting around texting while the baby wandered off the shelter would be calling CPS. That seemed to wake her up a little bit.

Today she did keep him within her sight at all times, she did a load of his laundry well his blanket.. still no socks...

Im just going to have to make her see that I am dead serious..

Erin Im sorry you are going through troubles with your sister... Maybe we can just plan a time to scream together..
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by agaphmou on Wed Oct 06, 2010 9:02 pm

Connie scare her like this ,say " I have a friend in another state that wants to adopt the baby,and if you don't ship up I'm going to arrange it" You'll know it's bologna ,but she doesn't know that.Think of a state far from you before you say it lol
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by edbson on Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:10 pm

trax wrote:How old are these children; that have children?

Both are Sad fallen situations.

My sister is 33.....

Not really troubles for me. I am done, she screws up, I get the kid, she does NOT get her back, ever....thats pretty much it.

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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by Connie on Thu Oct 07, 2010 10:54 pm

Lol.. Athena.. she knows me better than that.. This baby is mine.. Im not giving him up to strangers... but it was a good idea..

Erin.. It still sucks that you have to take on that responsibility but good for you for being willing!

Today was a prime example of the little things that just drive me nuts and add up to one big scream... She washed the babies blanket remember? HOwever it was STILL sitting in the washing machine today.. gave her plenty of time to catch it... not happening so I mention she should go hang the blanket on the line before it gets moldy... She DID jump up and grab it and take it out... however when I go out back the blanket is simply tossed on the line... not even really hanging... if a slight wind came up it would have blown it off..

I showed dh who is just cracking up and went out and fixed it but then he asked if I have ever TAUGHT her how to hang a blanket on the line.... wellll hmmm maybe that is the problem... but really? You see clothes on lines in movies and shows... she has been out back and seen blankets, sheets towels, etc... was this really something I needed to explain? omg...
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by agaphmou on Fri Oct 08, 2010 3:28 am

Lol that reminds me of our tenants upstairs.We both have balconies.They are constantly hanging their wet clothes to dry.Problem is they don't use clothespins,and I'm finding mens underwear on my balcony.women's shorts and t-shirts under my car .It happened once,twice,go get some freakin clothespins already! lol
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by Connie on Sat Oct 09, 2010 12:14 am

LOL.. honestly.. all my clothespins are gone but I ONLY hang up towels, sheets and blankets.. occasionally jeans... NEVER any delicates.. and if anything falls off.. it's into my own yard..

I think I might actually having fun running to an upstairs neighbor with undies.... "Ummm are these yours?"

agaphmou wrote:Lol that reminds me of our tenants upstairs.We both have balconies.They are constantly hanging their wet clothes to dry.Problem is they don't use clothespins,and I'm finding mens underwear on my balcony.women's shorts and t-shirts under my car .It happened once,twice,go get some freakin clothespins already! lol
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by agaphmou on Sat Oct 09, 2010 1:28 am

LMAO Connie!!!
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by edbson on Sat Oct 09, 2010 9:47 am

I have a pic somewhere, but cannot find it....

When we came home from Ike there were a couple pairs of Boxers in my Oak tree...one of the nieghbors left them on her line. Her dh is about 80, and they were silk boxers, and one pairs said "stud" and had lips on them....bright orange silk, with yellow words and lips. They were noticeable.

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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by agaphmou on Sat Oct 09, 2010 2:51 pm

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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by chelle on Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:18 pm

Connie, it will be a pain for you, but do her like I do my kids, follow her around all day, set timers, etc. Say ' the clothes in the wash are done'. ' I hear the dryer calling your name'. 'I'd that YOUR glass? - its home is not my table' ' pick up that sock' empty the dihwasher' then I stand there and say ' glasses go here' and 'plates go there'. Even if they are doing it right- because they will half ass it for weeks, till I just get fed up.

I don't blame you, I won't let my kids slack off and they are still kids- I expect a lot from them, but its the only way to have a house with this many people, animals, responsibilitoes and projects going and running smoothly. With out running mysself to death or working from 5am to 12 pm- which I still do anyway. Lol

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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by chelle on Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:31 pm

Ack! Just like now, I went to pee, saw the dryer door open, no clothes in it, and the next load on the floor- before church I told brett to get the towels out and get therm folded- I DID not specify to start another load, But, since I had told him earlier to gety together another load of jeans he knew- so I went and woke him up- I asked him 'what are the 2 rules when we take something out of the dryer?'. 'Fold and start a new one'. 'Excactly- why didn't you?'. ' I thought you would while I was gone'--- wrong- I made him go start a new load, we NEVER have an empty washer and dryer- as hard as I try. Lol.

And as much as I hate to be a total nag- I have found its the only way to get these 4 to do anything- and honestly I always swore I wouldn't nag- I hated that about my grandmother- it made me sick- I don't do it to (and really don't the kids, unless they just literlty ignore me- which they are prone to do-

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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by Connie on Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:30 pm

Chelle, Believe me.. I HAVE been doing all that.. all day and all night and it's just gotten so old... I expect to do that with young kids.. but she is 22~ and I guess I just also expect that after nine months of CONSTANT nagging, she would get the hint and just do what needs done...

Nope.. today I had to tell her to pick up the living room (all her mess) before leaving.. I had to point out that it's 30 degrees out.. it's awesome that the baby has on pants, long sleeves and even a hat... but where are his socks and shoes? (he was running around the backyard where the ground is cold and hard.. not grass.. dirt..)..

Those are really my only two complaints today since she has been gone since 10am Cool

chelle wrote:Connie, it will be a pain for you, but do her like I do my kids, follow her around all day, set timers, etc. Say ' the clothes in the wash are done'. ' I hear the dryer calling your name'. 'I'd that YOUR glass? - its home is not my table' ' pick up that sock' empty the dihwasher' then I stand there and say ' glasses go here' and 'plates go there'. Even if they are doing it right- because they will half ass it for weeks, till I just get fed up.

I don't blame you, I won't let my kids slack off and they are still kids- I expect a lot from them, but its the only way to have a house with this many people, animals, responsibilitoes and projects going and running smoothly. With out running mysself to death or working from 5am to 12 pm- which I still do anyway. Lol
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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by chelle on Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:29 pm

I agree connie, at 22 she should know by now- of course, I think I expect too much, cause I also think my kids should know to shut the front door every time they use it- yet- about 87 times a day I have to tell them to shut the f-ing door. I really don't lnow if its head in ass syndrome or they are just testing me, OR if they think I will just get up and do it. Lol. All I can do is say 'I feel your pain' and I am sorry to hear that I will still be bitching in 10 years - lol

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Re: If I scream loud enough

Post by Connie on Sat Oct 16, 2010 1:23 am

LOL Chelle.. NO I don't think you will still be b*tching in 10 years.. at least I hope you won't... really.. your kids have more common sense NOW than this one does... Tonight I tried a new tactic when we got home and I just started picking up the mess..... nope.. didn't work.. I STILL Had to tell her to pick up her crap..

The really sad part is that I just don't see how she will EVER be able to live on her own with the baby...

I don't think I got to mention todays ordeal.. or did I?... I told her to do the dishes and had to mention that this INCLUDED the pans... she did ONE pan before she left... and then as I walked into the kitchen 5 mins AFTER she left.. I realized the water was still running in the sink.. not just the water.. but the HOT water.. she had decided to do ONE pan and soak the other two and left the water running!

I came home tonight after the Sock Hop and she was sitting here watching tv.. so I started picking up all the messes in the living room.. and I STILL Had to TELL her to pick up her messes.. she just doesn't take "hints" very well at all...
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