Worthwhile?

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Worthwhile?

Post by KellyM on Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:21 pm

So SIL asked me months ago if starting on Aug 30th if I would watch her tyrant, ahem I mean my nephew for one hour from 3-4 on Mondays. She would drop him off on her way to class (she's going back to college) and BIL would pick him up when he gets done work. I figured 1 hour in the late afternoon, no big deal.. Now she wants to change it from 11-4 saying she needs the time away from him and wants to know if I'll babysit the longer hours. Not really looking forward to it, however I already agreed to 1 hour and I'm home most of the time anyways (because of JJ's homeschooling). She told me to let her know what I'd charge. I know it's only one day a week, but I'm locked into it for the whole year, and my nephew is a handful and a half. I don't know what I should charge, If I don't think it's worth my trouble, then I'd end up resenting agreeing to it before the end of the year. I don't know what the going rate is. I know what she's paid me in the past and I kind of felt like it wasn't enough but wasn't going to say anything. For example, not long ago I babysat both boys which had me running the entire time for about 6 1/2 hours...she paid me $15.00. I don't know that I would want to watch the youngest even though it's only 4 hours for less than that. That would lock me in to never doing anything on Mondays for the rest of the year.
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by Lori on Thu Aug 26, 2010 1:04 pm

Only you can answer that, Kelly. I don't envy you. You'd hate to end up resenting him if he gets to be a handful. On the other hand, it might be a lot of fun. How old is he?

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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by bizzeedee on Thu Aug 26, 2010 1:31 pm

around my area, kids get $10 an hour... I say make it worth your while, and if she doesn't like what you'd be charging her, then she can go find someone else. (how old is the tyrant?)
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by KellyM on Thu Aug 26, 2010 2:17 pm

As horrible as it sounds I resent watching him for any amount of time now, even though I do love him because he's my nephew. Alex is 4, soon to be 5 in Nov.. and he's bad... His older brother, Jay is much better behaved, but it's not him I would be watching, (well maybe occasionally)but for the most part it would be Alex that I would be watching.

I've tried a million different things with him while watching him. I thought maybe keeping him busy would keep him out of trouble. But it seems he always finds the worst possible thing to be doing at any given moment and thats what he's doing. If I take out fingerpaints, he's dumping the paint upside-down on the table, or flinging a heavy loaded dripping brush around. If I try to do cookie, brownie or cupcake making and decorating with him, he climbs from the chair I place beside me and climbs on the counter... Shoes and all (because he refuses to take his shoes off when he gets here and SIL doesn't make him.) If I say,"You can't come in until you take your shoes off, he sits on the entry rug and either won't move or insists to his mom that he wants to leave. There is no winning with this kid.
At the age of 4 she's making appointments for him and her to a psychologist because his behavior is noticeably bad and neither her or her husband can handle him. He's been this way since he was 3.. She's never been consistent with his punishment (she's never punished him at all really).
He will listen to me, if I am stern with him, but you can tell she doesn't like me doing that, but for the last year I have and will, if he's in my house. Though I do discipline him while he's here, it saps the life right out of me and I am so drained by the time he leaves, because it's one thing after another... I will probably agree to babysit him because despite everything I know that if I ever asked her a favor, I know that she would do it, I'm just not sure what would be a fair price to ask..
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by edbson on Thu Aug 26, 2010 3:32 pm

Bayley charges $10 an hour to sit afterschool with the neighbor kid who is 4 1/2, it is usually about an hour from when they get off the bus till his Mom gets there. For 4 hours she might would give a discount, and charge $35.
I would NOT do it for less than $30-40, call it damage control.
ALso, I would INSIST on being able to use discipline to some degree, as in, putting his ass in a corner, or a time out chair....betting he would spend alot of time in my time out chair.If nothing else there is duct tape, it works well I hear.

She broke him, she needs to fix him....so a Psych is probably a good idea.
Sounds like ODD to me.

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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by trax on Thu Aug 26, 2010 3:47 pm

Worthwhile? Keep your sanity, keep your stress level down, deal with your own children and Just Say No.
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by KellyM on Thu Aug 26, 2010 4:01 pm

I could use a few $$ each week to put away for a rainy day. I will ask $30. only because I know that their income isn't as much as it used to be since she is going back to college. She knows when he is here that I discipline him..For the most part, he listens to me. But it's almost like he's continually going on from one bit of trouble to another.. If I find after a bit that the pay isn't worth the trouble, i will tell a little white lie and say it's too much to handle with homeschooling JJ at the same time..
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by KellyM on Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:09 pm

Well, she must be sweating it, because I know she's been home for hours now and have seen her pop on FB...and I haven't heard from her yet..she probably thinks it's too much. But I talked to Kris and he agreed that especially to watch Alex that it's not worth my time unless I get atleast that..even though its only 4 or 5 hrs a week, because he knows how Alex is.. I babysat both Alex and Jay one night from 4:30 pm to 12:30am while BIL and SIL went out to a company dinner and dance. Kris stayed in the basement from the time they got here until 10pm at which time he went to bed..he didn't even spend 5 minutes in the same room with them the whole night..and that was 8 hours that night and they paid me $20. for watching them (that by far wasn't enough) So I think she's wondering why I accepted her cheap offerings before and am now asking $30. for 4 hours for 1 kid. Usually I just tell her to pay me whatever she feels. However I've done that because I watch them rarely. But if its' going to be every Monday all year long then thats a different story..
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by briteasafirefly on Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:22 pm

since its 11 to 4, does she expect you to feed him lunch?

$10 a hour is pretty much going rate these days, so she either gets a deal with you at $30 or she finds a daycare center for a couple hours.

oh and carseats work wonderful for time outs...strap them in and they aren't going anywhere...although he's probably getting a bit big for that.
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by KellyM on Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:53 pm

Yes, I would be feeding him lunch. But I told her in my e-mail that he would either have what I make JJ for lunch, which is usually either grilled cheese, or sandwiches, soup, etc. Or I have the old standby of peanut butter and jelly or fluff if he doesnt want what I'm making JJ. I'm not going to get him McD's or Kid's Cuisine meals or anything. He'd also be having an afternoon snack which I told her would be either microwave popcorn, a banana, or yogurt ( we always have this stuff on hand). I'm not going to buy chips and a bunch of junk food (which is what they usually eat at home)..once in a while for something to do I will bake and decorate cookies or cupcakes with him..but not every week..I told her if that was okay that I would provide his lunch and snack, but if not then she would have to bring lunch and snack..
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by KellyM on Fri Aug 27, 2010 9:29 am

She finally e-mailed me, she said what I was asking would be fine. She said she would have e-mailed me sooner but that Alex had a (major MELTDOWN from the time they got home until late into the evening) is how she put it in the e-mail. I've got my work cut out for me. He's never had one here, I think he has them with SIL and BIL because he knows how they will react, exactly the way he wants them to.
I think he fears me a little bit because I say something to him when he's not behaving well here, he's not sure what I'll do. Then again, maybe after coming here all of the time if he gets comfortable he might try it with me, but it doesn't fly with me. I will try to plan a fun activity each Monday, if he doesn't behave, then he doesn't get to do the activity for that day, or if it's after we've already done it for the day, then he wont' get to do the fun activity the next week. It won't be like home where they tell him he will lose something for misbehaving and they end up giving it to him anyway.

So she agreed to $30., but I will probably spend $5. each week at the Dollar store on a small activity for him..which will hopefully keep him entertained. $25. profit for 4 hours is okay with me if he doesn't meltdown on my time. I think our first activity will be to make art with crayon bits, leaves and wax paper. I remember doing that one in art class when I was his age and loved it..
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by edbson on Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:39 pm

Glad she agreed. I would have asked for $40-45, or $10 an hour ...people tend to be on time when they are paying by the hour.
They are your Dh's relatives right? It seems he wouldn't have hidden in the basement, and maybe done some ass busting if they were being that intolerable. I know mine would have....busted their asses I mean.


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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by KellyM on Fri Aug 27, 2010 2:20 pm

They are Kris' sister's children, and he hasn't always avoided them, but just the last 1 1/2yrs when Alex's behavior started to get really bad he does what he can to avoid Alex. Kris is a big scary guy to children, if he said something to Alex, Alex would probably cry or pee himself, then he's worried Rani would be upset with him. It's easier for me to deal with it. Kris never had children of his own, my kids were 7 and 9 when him and I got together..so he's never done the little kid thing. But, he does have another nephew besides his sister Ranis kids Jay and Alex.
His sister Sunny has a 3 yr old soon to be 4 year old boy named Ethan..and he is a delight..he hangs all over Kris when we see him. He has moments when he misbehaves (like most children) but it's not the deliberate and calculated misbehaving like Alex does. Alex avoids Kris too, I think Alex avoids Kris because he knows he's misbehaving. Kris would be more likely to play with Alex if Alex wasn't always trying to destroy something. I'm hoping Alex grows out of it...but if he doesn't, all I have to say is, "Glad it isn't me".
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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by edbson on Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:12 pm

I agree, I have felt the same way...DH's neices are forbidden at my house, the last visit was enough. I figure their parents screwed them up, let them deal with them

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Re: Worthwhile?

Post by briteasafirefly on Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:12 am

you know maybe it will be a good thing for you to have him once a week...maybe he needs someone that is structured and has boundaries...someone that has rules that are consistant and will follow through when rules are broken. once he gets into the routine, he might just figure out coming over to your house is pretty fun and if he doesn't behave then he can't do fun stuff when he comes over.

or he could just be a little monster no matter what.
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