Well SIL probably isn't too happy with me, but...

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Well SIL probably isn't too happy with me, but...

Post by KellyM on Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:07 am

I priced out the cost of the boys special birthday cakes that they wanted. It's really just too much to spend. SIL says,"The cake can be their gift." but what she doesn't realize is that the cost of the cake is atleast twice the cost of what we would normally spend on a gift if they already had a cake. And the cost of the cake is over double of what she spends on my kids on their birthdays.
So I e-mailed her and nicely said that I started pricing what it would cost to make the cakes the boys wanted, and I told her what it would cost just for the ingredients/materials. She said that she didn't realize how much it cost (even though I told her repeatedly last year that it was expensive to make). So I explained to her item by item right down to the candles and cupcake papers(she always has me make cupcakes along with the cake, because the cake is one flavor, the cupcakes another) what I had to buy and what each item cost me to make one of the boys special cakes last year, and told her exactly how many hours it took me to make and decorate it. She said," I won't pay that much for a cake." But she gladly accepted the ones she coerced me into making the last couple years without batting an eyelash about what it might cost me. So I told her that though I do enjoy making the cakes, that we can't afford the entire cost of the cake for their birthdays ourselves. I offered if she wanted to pay for part of it, and we could pay for part of it that I would still make them. But even paying half the cost she thought it was too much $$ to spend for cake. She told me numerous times in the past that I should start a cake business and I told her that this is precisely why it wouldn't work, because people up here would want "Ace of Cakes" cakes, with walmart prices, and that i couldn't get them to pay the cost of the materials let alone labor. So she just left it as she would just have a sheet cake done at Hannaford, it would be "so much cheaper." Which pissed me off because I have been the one paying for and making their cakes the past few years, it didn't cost HER anything, so my point is "so much cheaper than what?" than the cakes I have been making and paying for? You can't get any cheaper than free, and my cakes were so much prettier.. Grr...

So then I trailed off about how our mortgage was 2 1/2 times more in this house than the old one, and that we were going to have to curb costs this year. In Oct/Nov alone is her, her husbands, and her two boys, and other SIL's boys birthdays, along with we're the ones to foot the entire cost for the big Thanksgiving and Christmas meals, along with Christmas gifts which they insist we have to do for adults too. So I told her don't be suprised if this year each person gets a $20, gift card and nothing else because that's what Kris originally wanted to do last year before they made such a big deal out of it. He still wanted to do it but instead I bought their gifts with my money because I thought it would be embarrassing for them to just open one card each from us and for us to open a bunch of packages from them. Though SIL shops at a discount store, but just wraps things fancy and wraps small things in several bags to make it look like more. So I told her that Kris would probably broach that subject again with all of the SIL's this year about not buying for adults anymore. Actually he did when they were over Mon night and she kind of said, "Well, but then it's not as fun."

So I think she's probably pissed at me, but thats just tough I guess..Her kids aren't wanting for anything anyway, whether I make the cake or not. They may throw a fit that they can't have their special cake, but the cell phone and 4 wheeler that the 4 year old will get will make up for the cake I'm sure..
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Re: Well SIL probably isn't too happy with me, but...

Post by Lori on Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:52 am

You had to do what you had to do, Kelly. Who really cares if she's pissed. She's very inconsiderate to try to argue with you about how much you can afford to spend.

The present thing is really odd. It sounds like Christmas is all about her and how many gifts she gets to open. How mature is that? Why doesn't her husband just buy her a truckload and wrap it all up and make her happy. He chose to marry her so he can deal with her.

I know every family is different, but our family does NOT do gifts for adults. At one point, quite a while ago, we drew names and then had a $25 limit on the gift. Adults would pick an adult name and the kids would draw names so everyone was giving a gift and receiving a gift. But we even stopped doing that - It got to the point that it wasn't fun because the suggestions list that was made got to be so specific. Things like "J C Penney catalog page 429, D. Blue, size M" . At that point it was like "Just go buy that yourself!"

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Re: Well SIL probably isn't too happy with me, but...

Post by Lori on Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:55 am

Oh, I also have to wonder if the boys will throw a holy fit when their cheapo mom presents them with a sheet cake after all the elaborate cakes they've had in previous years. She may decide to pay for a cake from you next year.

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Re: Well SIL probably isn't too happy with me, but...

Post by KellyM on Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:12 am

Kris was happy I finally told his sister about how much the cakes cost. He didn't really want me to make the boys cakes last year, he thought it was too much for me to spend without his sister kicking in some of the cost. He said we're better off anyway, this way we can just get a walmart gift card and a card and just drop it off and not have to attend the parties because we won't have to physically attend to bring the cakes.

As far as Christmas goes, I think I will leave it up to him this year. I'm tired of stressing about it. I will clearly let both Rani and Sunny know that Kris will be doing the families Christmas shopping this year, which means each adult will get a $25.00 gift card and that's it. My sisters and I don't exchange gifts because it's not important to us as the time we spend together. We buy for my parents because we want to, and my brother who hardly has anything and has no immediate family of his own. We buy him one gift, usually something he needs, because he's not doing too well.

The last year or two with them has gotten like what you were describing Lori ,because when asking the SIL's what to get their husbands for gifts it's gotten to the point where the only items they suggest are gift cards to different places. So Rani will tell me, JR likes Sears,Walmart, Mr Paperback, and Gas gift cards. When I ask her if there might me anything else other than gift cards that I might be able to get him she says, "No, he's pretty particular, I can't think of anything." I think that's pretty selfish and materialistic. I always come up with ideas for Kris that are non expensive and useful if they ask, such as rechargeable batteries for his remotes, his favorite cologne Cool Water you can get the mini bottles at Walmart for $6., different things like that. When I ask Sunny what to get Shane it's always Cabella and Walmart gift cards, nothing else... They must not know their husbands very well, or they are being selfish because if I sat down and thought I could come up with a ton of ideas for my husband.

Maybe after getting a single gift card and nothing else they will get pissed off and decide not to exchange gifts with us anymore. If the adults gifts are just going to be a bunch of gift cards and nothing is made personal, what is the sense in even doing it? Both SIL's are materialistic, they like to be like princesses at Christmas, well except for the SIL who's living in Canada that has schizophrenia, she's the only one of my SILs that make any sense..lol

Rani either said she was going to have a sheet cake done at hannaford, because "it was so much cheaper" or she was going to make a homemade cake herself. If the boys are lucky, she will get a sheet cake, SIL cannot, I repeat cannot cook well. Usually when she wants to plan a dinner with us either Kris or myself will insist that we will do the dinner. What she doesnt' know is that we aren't being kind, it's because if she cooks my husband and my son will starve. First of all she makes tiny amounts of food, second it tastes horrible. Every time we've ever gone over for dinner, hubby stops and gets himself and JJ something to eat on the way home after leaving her place. Her kids won't eat real homecooked food, because she always reheats frozen pre-prepared food from a box, such as Weaver drumsticks. While that's okay once in a while for convenience, that's how she "cooks" all of the time. I don't think she has ever roasted a real chicken, or even buys real meat to begin with, it's all processed frozen whatever in a box. So while she's always offering to entertain other people at her house, she has no clue how to cook for a group or what to cook. So a cake made by her would be interesting...
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Re: Well SIL probably isn't too happy with me, but...

Post by thebigscott on Wed Aug 11, 2010 1:49 pm

Good for you, Kelly! I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself!

We do limited gifts for grown-ups in our extended family. We either do a donation to charity or something inexpensive -- $5 or $10 would be plenty. I don't like gift cards because I'm a much better shopper than most of the people I buy for, so I feel like I can get a nice gift for the same money if I spend it myself.

I loved when you said they must not know their husbands because I was thinking the exact same thing just before I read it, LOL! I could easily tell you a few dozen gifts that my husband would like... something as simple as a gift of his favorite cookies would be inexpensive yet well received. That's either greed, laziness, or they really don't ever talk to their husbands.
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Re: Well SIL probably isn't too happy with me, but...

Post by edbson on Wed Aug 11, 2010 5:57 pm

They sound like materialistic bitches.....and if she/they get pissed they can eventually pull up their big girl panties and deal with it.
We don't do gifts for adults, ofr birthdayts or Christmas or anything. I do buy for my nephew, and parents, but not siblings

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Re: Well SIL probably isn't too happy with me, but...

Post by 59pearly on Sat Sep 11, 2010 12:49 pm

Way to go, Kelly. I don't understand how she could still try and pressure you into making the cakes when she isn't willing to chip in. I think you and your husband are more than generous especially with the gifts. We give $5 for ages 1 through 10 and $10 for high school age. That's it. If they are saving money for something special that is different but we figure 5 year olds do not really need a lot of cash, lol.

I had a problem like that with a customer. She would call and ask me to make the three tiered affair for her son and then proceed to go shopping. When it was time to pay for the cake she wanted to bargain me down. Now you know the last time she tried and I stuck to my price, that was the last time she called. The cake was made from scratch and a special clown cake stand outfit had to be purchased that only she wanted. I was happy when she didn't call the next year!
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