my headache

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my headache

Post by tara on Thu Jun 17, 2010 2:54 pm

My daughter graduates Kindergarten tomorrow, I can't believe it's over already Sad I went in twice a week for few hours and was the room mother and went on all the field trips. I dare say enjoyed K as much if not more so than Saige. They are just so darn cute and funny as hell to listen too.

We have the best Kindergarten teacher-ever. Seriously. I did not go to school here, I knew none of the teachers so I had no idea we won the great teacher lottery until I heard from EVERYONE how lucky she was. Years ago they use to let you request a teacher.... until Mrs Moran. They had an enrollment of 91 students and 74 of them requested her, lol. Now the only ones guaranteed to get her are the children who need a little extra help. Seriously delayed kids go to another larger school in the area (the one I went to) that has special ed classes as well as everyone else,. But there are a few that need a little extra... but not so much so that they need to be in special ed.

So anyway.... a couple parents approached me about doing a group gift from the class for the teacher and her aide. So I thought it was an okay idea and decided to get them gift certificates for an hour massage each.

I was hesitant because I knew I would have parents that would not contribute. There were some I called to donate to a class party (a bag of napkins, paper plates, or a jug of apple juice....) Not a one ever said no, sorry I just can't. they all said yeah sure.... and then never sent anything in. Grrr so before every party I ended up going to the store and buying more.

I sent a letter home asking everyone for $5 (there are 19 kids including mine) They came to $125 so I knew going in I was footing a lot of the bill. I heard from all of 6 parents. Most gave me more than $5, in the end it only cost me $60 which about what I figured I would pay anyway. The rest didn't bother with a call, note or email saying they weren't interested. Oh well, I expected that.

However, the one mom (Donna-she gave me $30) that was really helping me out with this ran into one of the moms at the store and asked her if she had sent money. The mom told her no she didn't like the idea. Ok fine.

BUT then Donna said "oh why not? are you getting her something on your own? And she said "well, I was going to paint them a picture (she paints) but I don't really have enough time and since there is a class gift I am covered ha ha" I know money is an issue with a lot of people- she is NOT one of them.

Is it me or is that just freakin' rude?

That pissed of Donna, who called me and said since more than half did not bother to call or help that it should be a gift from the 7 kids that did contribute. I talked to the other 5 that gave me money and decided to just write in the 7 kids on the card instead of the class.

I'm so torn, I feel rude doing so but also feel justified that they couldn't bother to so much as call and say thanks but no thanks. I've ran into 4 of them and not so much as a word... in fact 3 of them flat out avoided me.

I am a bit afraid however, that tomorrow at graduation (despite asking them to PLEASE contact me before yesterday) that a couple are going to give me a some $ and I am going to have to say thanks but it's a done deal and since no one contacted me that we decided to do away with it being from everyone.

So I imagine tomorrow I will have a lot of pissed of parents who thought they were covered on my dime when they find out they were not. I feel really bad doing it this way but I don't want to piss of the parents that could be bothered to take 30 seconds to call or send me a note, why should 7 of us foot the bill for 19?

So what do you guys think? I'm so confused I don't know what it right at this point. Lesson is learned I will never attempt to organize something like this again. Is it wrong to exclude them? It's too late to tell them and frankly they couldn't be bothered to contact me why should I waste my time on them.

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Re: my headache

Post by Lori on Thu Jun 17, 2010 3:07 pm

There's always a few, but it looks like you got a majority of deadbeat parents. That stinks.

If I put myself in the teacher's position, I think I would feel better thinking that the massage was a gift from the whole class. I would not even want to know that so many didn't feel that I was worth even a buck or two, I would just want to enjoy my delusions.

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Re: my headache

Post by Lori on Thu Jun 17, 2010 3:12 pm

And Tara, it wouldn't be unusual for her to make a verbal group thank you to them all, hopefully in front of the parents, or to send thank you notes to each student. If she does that, you may still collect odd donations here and there over the summer.

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Re: my headache

Post by tara on Thu Jun 17, 2010 3:24 pm

My guess it that she will take all the gifts home and send a thank you to everyone. I feel really awful excluding people but on the other hand the two parents that gave me the most money feel that it should be from "us" and I am afraid if I make it a group gift that they will want their extra money back and I don't have it to give to them.

I have no doubt that they will know who did and didn't anyway... I sent home envelopes to everyone... they were sealed but I am sure they know, particularly since all but two who gave it to me personally sent it to me in a envelope they put in Saige's folder.



I'm so stressed over this stupid gift, lol. I imagine I will change my mind thirty times before tomorrow. Thanks Lori, I appreciate the input.

BTW- I don't presume to know about anyone's finances but the mother in the store lives in the nicest house in town, just got back from their yearly Cancun trip and brags to everyone about how much she makes. So I feel comfortable saying she is NOT one that can not afford $5.

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Re: my headache

Post by edbson on Thu Jun 17, 2010 3:24 pm

I would go with it being from just the few. I hate doing the Class thing,other parents never ever contribute, and expect one or a few to do it all. I say better to be pissed off than pissed on....so don't get pissed on.

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Re: my headache

Post by Lori on Thu Jun 17, 2010 3:31 pm

It sounds like your hands are tied then, Tara. I know you have to feel sick about it. Hope someone lets it out of the bag that their stinginess caused you to ante up twelve times more than you were asking them to contribute. Sad

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Re: my headache

Post by tara on Thu Jun 17, 2010 3:52 pm

I'm leaning towards filling out the gift certificate from the class and then writing the names on the cards. Or maybe I will go up in the morning and get two more for mani/ pedis and make that a class gift while leaving the massage from the kids who did contribute.

I'm waiting for Donna to call me back. She was the one in the first place who said that it had to be from everyone even if we were the only two. She is a (I forgot what she calls it) for church and said that was how they always do things. But she was the one who got angry and said ya know what enough, let them fend for themselves.

Of course if I do change it I guess I am obligated to call and let them all know (that did contribute) that it has changed yet again. I imagine they will all be so sick of me by tomorrow that it's a damn good thing it's summer time, lol. I see a whole lot of parents crossing their fingers their kids don't end up in first grade with Saige. Poor Saige, lol.


Erin, that is my typical response but I feel like Lori here. They are wonderful (the teachers) the kids all absolutely love them and I don't want to end the year looking like the greedy idiot who refused to put everyone and makes it clear on just who wasn't willing. It also seems to unfair to exclude children because their parents are idiots. I'm not looking for a pat on the back, all I want here is to give them a nice gift to end the year with.

Whether it is intentional or not, some people are just rude.

But I know I am a scatter brain and just forget things sometimes. But, (man there are a lot of buts here) they all know graduation is here and *most* must have considered an end of the year gift and I know they all got my letter. And maybe there are a couple who just really truly can not afford to give even $5 and are too embarrassed to say so. Although I suspect most are just lazy and cheap and figure everyone else will do for them.

I am seeing this through 50 different angles and just getting more and more unsure. Yesterday I was fine with just the few and today I just feel it's not the right thing to do.

I'm dying for the bus so I can see if anyone decided to send some $ in last minute.

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Re: my headache

Post by tara on Thu Jun 17, 2010 4:27 pm

Okay, I decided on making the massage from the few and getting a mani and/or pedi from the whole class. It will cost me more $ but less than giving back to the others. And hopefully at least a couple will still contribute and if not I guess I can just hope they squirm just a bit when they get the thank you note. I suppose I prefer they hate me because I did something nice instead of hating me for excluding them.

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Re: my headache

Post by tara on Thu Jun 17, 2010 4:30 pm

Oh and she did come home with another $10.... from a mom that already sent me $10.

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Re: my headache

Post by Rebecca1340 on Thu Jun 17, 2010 4:49 pm

That's awful. I'm glad you decided to only put the names of the kids who contributed on the card for the massage. I know it can be embarrassing to admit that cash is tight, but all they had to do was call and say they had already arranged their own thing.

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Re: my headache

Post by KellyM on Thu Jun 17, 2010 4:54 pm

Maybe i am just rude, but I would have called the other parents and given them one last opportunity to donate, and let them know that if they don't that only those who contributed will have their names on the card.
I dealt with so many people like this when the kids were going to school. I didn't have much but always donated my time and what $$ I could. Those parents that get away with not giving their money or time but still get the credit for it, will just keep not doing anything or not contributing to anything. It isn't fair for those who carry most of the weight on their shoulders. I would make an exception for those who I knew didn't have any money. But it always seemed like the one who's kid got a new laptop for Christmas couldn't bother to donate a fiver.
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Re: my headache

Post by thebigscott on Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:39 pm

I just read the first post so I'm sure I missed out on more details but I vote that you just let it be a class present. Yes, some of them deserve to not have their names on the cards. But all you're going to get doing that is enemies. And there may be a few who honestly couldn't afford the money (there have been times when I couldn't give even a few dollars if I was going to be able to pay that month's bills). Yes, they should have called and told you, but again... the only thing you have to gain is enemies. And I guarantee the teacher knows that not everyone contributed. Some time you'll see her in the store and she'll thank you for the gift again and you'll say that it was no problem... that so-and-so gave extra and that these few parents all chipped in. She'll know eventually and be extra grateful to those parents.
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Re: my headache

Post by tara on Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:21 pm

Well I ended up giving the massage from the 8 kids. I went up this morning while Robby was having his doughnuts with dad at school and I got them each a $15 gift card (the price of a manicure but I left it open in case they would prefer something else) and gave that as a gift from the whole class. So most should have nothing to bitch about. Most likely her thank you will read thank you for the gift certificate and no one other than those that contributed know the difference. I have no doubt they will figure it all out quickly~~ The teacher lives in another town but the aide is from here and is good friends with two of the moms that gave me money and they will spill.

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Re: my headache

Post by Lori on Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:38 pm

tara wrote: I have no doubt they will figure it all out quickly~~ The teacher lives in another town but the aide is from here and is good friends with two of the moms that gave me money and they will spill.

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Re: my headache

Post by thebigscott on Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:06 pm

That sounds great, Tara. It's a nice compromise between calling out the assholes and keeping the peace. And I'm sure the teacher and aide will love having the gift cards. It's so much nicer than the typical gifts.
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