whoo hoo!

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Re: whoo hoo!

Post by Lori on Sun May 16, 2010 8:39 am

I know you don't approve of bf, so if I were in that position I would want them to lose the apartment and have her admit what a losing situation she has set herself up in. I mean, if you basically have one bill to pay, and between the two of you you can't figure out how to get that done, it may be time to admit you were wrong, move back home, and make a new life plan.

Right now, she may be in love enough to not mind being broke all the time and cut off from her family until she needs to beg for necessities. Is bf begging his parents for help with the electric bill, too? Or do they switch month to month, with her going after you this month and him pestering his parents the next? Honestly, how many sleepless nights have you had worrying about her? She probably sleeps like a baby because she knows you all will back her up and the money will come from somewhere. Would she still be all doe-eyed if they were to be tossed into the street? Because it's not as much fun playing house when you're living in mom and dad's basement.


Last edited by Lori on Sun May 16, 2010 10:20 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: whoo hoo!

Post by tara on Sun May 16, 2010 10:16 am

Living with little food and no electricity lets you see each other for who they truly are.... really quickly. Sorry if this sounds harsh but obviously if they only have one bill and they can't pay it between them, than neither one of them belongs on their own. Let them fail and save the tax payers some money. I am all for welfare programs helping those who NEED it..... I feel completely different about those who WONT help themselves, they do not deserve any help. It's one of those things that just set me off. I stay home but my husband works his ass off to provide for us... we do not take handouts. I would be so ashamed to have to get a handout from the government or anyone else... even my mom. I have to agree with Karen, she is learning to be lazy and by helping her pay her one bill, you are ensuring she will continue to be so.

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Re: whoo hoo!

Post by KellyM on Sun May 16, 2010 11:31 am

They can't live in the apartment with the rent covered indefinitely, I'm not sure how that works out, but I think they have to enroll in some type of program after a certain period of time if they aren't working. I'm right with you tara, my husband works inhuman hours and I hardly get to see him, and the taxes we pay help pay for those who refuse to work. I have to be fair to them though. I post that they refuse to work,but i do not point out that neither have a license, high school diploma or a vehicle. The town they live in is prettymuch a ghost town so there arefew jobs. Neither of them should have moved out of home when they did.

I know you are all offering constructive criticism and I appreciate it, I could offer the same advice to someone else, but it's a little harder taking the advice than it is giving it. I'm the one she's going to cry to if they get kicked out of that apartment for failure of keeping the utilities hooked up.
To be honest with you at this point right or wrong, even without the bf, I don't think that I would want her to move back home if she got kicked out of the apartment. That's most assuredly what would happen if worse came to worse, he would move back to his moms and she would move back here. It was constant war and bickering the last year she lived at home. At this point I see it as I am ensuring that I will continue to keep my sanity.
The spot I was in when I was her age wasn't much different except I was working for a little while until I became pregnant and had health issues that caused me to be on bed rest. Then when Wynonna was born she was sickly and I pretty much had to not work and take care of her. The jerk I was with didn't work except for odd jobs here and there where he was paid cash (much like Dan). Maybe mom should not have helped me out once in a while. I never asked her for it, unless it was baby Tylenol or a ride to the Dr. I do remember needing help once or twice with a bill, but I always paid her back. That said, I still learned to stand on my own. I got sick of living the way I was living and kicked him out and got a job, worked and supported the two kids on my own with no help whatsoever. I appreciated the help mom gave me and didn't take it for granted. There have been many times when Wynonna called to ask for something and I told her I didn't have it, or couldn't do it.
The child support money was unexpected, if she were living home, it would have gone to her to buy clothes or something she needed. That money would have gone to her anyway regardless of whether she was living home or not, so better to either take her to pay it on a bill or buy something she needs, or as you say Karen, put it away until something comes up. She hasn't asked for anything since they raked the lawn for money for the electric bill, so I could just set it aside.
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Re: whoo hoo!

Post by Lori on Sun May 16, 2010 12:21 pm

I think at the very minimum, all able US Citizens should have a high school diploma. It's not asking too much, and it's a shame that people can just choose to drop out and receive free or even prorated housing. It actually sounds like a lot of fun, and if Michigan had such a program it would be an extremely popular option. I'd rather see kids in school learning how to make up a budget, fill out a job application, and balance a checkbook.

I would encourage my kids to attain at least that bare minimum because for the rest of their lives they will be competing for jobs against people who have that diploma. I don't think 18 or 19 is too old to be living at home. You just need to make the rules crystal clear and hold her to your standards. Make her contribute in positive ways like helping with the cooking and cleaning and absolutely insist that she finish high school.

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Re: whoo hoo!

Post by chelle on Sun May 16, 2010 1:45 pm

I agree Lori.
if they are not capable of working (no licence, no car, no education) then they need to fall flat, and have to step up and toe the line.
It would be hard to deal with her moving back- I am sure. and to be drama free would be great. But, it would be better to have a year or two of a few problems and direct rules, then to be doing this when your 70. I agree with you kelly, its easy to give advice but hard to take it. and yes, I am a hardass. But, I am a product of someone like your daughter. I've seen my grandparents loose everything they had dealing with her crap and supporting her. I've seen the time when I would meet my friends outside (they would call and the phone was cut off) so they didnt know we didnt have lights. I've seen the time when we didnt have a TV (not even an antanna for the basics) and couldnt let my boyfriend come over. I've lived in fear of my check as a 16 year old NOT making the rent. I dont tell you this for you to feel sorry for me. I tell you this, (and its VERY hard to- belive me) because she CAN and WILL reproduce. Its just friendly advice. Not meant to be mean.

Honestly, I wasnt joking when I joined the group on facebook about drug testing for welfare, but its not a bad idea for even having to qualify as a 'workable' person. thats not too much to ask. My husband has to stay drug free to put the money he earns into the system. My kids have to stay drug free to live here, why shouldnt we ask the same of those we are supporting. (not that its a strtch for us to be drug free- we honestly have never been tempted. not even sure its ever been offered. LOL ) But it shouldnt ever be a handout, its a hand up. There is a differnce that this country as a whole has forgotten.

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Re: whoo hoo!

Post by edbson on Sun May 16, 2010 2:54 pm

In TX you have to be 21 or a pregnant female/parent to get food stamps or rental assistance. Under 21, they will tell you to get a job or move back home.

I think for welfare you should have a HS diploma, and pass a drug test. Not sure how they do it there, but here you have to prove that you have at least applied for jobs, if after 6 months you can't find one, you have to go to job search classes, and the unemployment office for so many hours a week/month.

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