Is it over yet?

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Is it over yet?

Post by tara on Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:47 pm

March has been rough. I'm exhausted and it's still not over. Between kids, activities, and grandma I need a vacation.

Three and a half weeks ago we had to bring grandma to the hospital, thought her cancer was back. Thankfully she is cancer free but has diverticulitis and spent two weeks in ICU. During that time they made it clear she could no longer live on her own. She hasn't walked in over a year and she just can't care for herself anymore. She took it better than we thought she would but it was very hard to do. Last Monday they moved her to one of the top places recommended by the hospital... a few towns over, there is only one close to us (20 mins) but they have no beds and a huge waiting list.

The place was a dump... that is putting it nicely, I think the local animal shelter is nicer than this place was. The nurses were rude, cold and most of them were sloppy. I am a jeans and tee shirt and ponytail kind of gal but I don't leave the house looking like I don't own a brush or know what a washing machine is......

Yesterday we finally found another one with an open bed and moved her across town from where she was. It's one of the top ones around, I did a lot of my clinical hours there many years ago.

In the mean time I have been trying to clear out and clean up her apartment so we can get in to do the major renovations and my mom can get it rented. I can't even begin to describe what a chore this is. Although she is alive and well it is still very weird to go through all her things and donate/toss/distribute.

Within a couple hours of being at the new home.... they decided to give her an x-ray because after a month of hospitals, homes, nurses and doctors someone finally noticed her hips don't look right. Turns out she broke it.... 3 years when she fell down her cellar steps and never told a sole. How she managed to drag herself back up and still sort of walk (it was really hard for her to move when we convinced her to get a wheelchair) for another year or so. The hospital is over an hour away. I have racked up more mileage and gone through more gas money this month than I have in the past 6 months.

So now she is being transferred to the city for a hip replacement and grandma may very well walk again. Yesterday she was refusing surgery, I'm not sure who convinced her otherwise but thank God. Now we are just afraid she will get mobile again and want to go back to her house. I understand how hard it must be to leave it, she has loved there for 55 years but we really want her to stay in the nursing home. She hasn't left her house in 3 years and she is always alone. Given the chance I think she will love having people around and not being so lonely. Got our fingers crossed she sees it that way too.

On top of grandma it's almost spring soccer time and the meetings are driving me nuts. The guy who runs our local AYSO is a...um... dipshit I guess would be accurate. He has made what could have been done in a couple hours literally take weeks. I'm ready to belt him one. Mostly because he gets pissy anytime someone can't drop everything at a moments notice and be at his beck and call. He has rescheduled 3 different meetings a total of 7 times this month. Seriously if I get someone to watch my kids and then I get an email two hours prior that says well I'd like it tomorrow instead, I want to kill him. Not only can I not do it, neither can anyone else (but him) and then he goes on and on about how no one wants to help and he seems to have to do everything. Truthfully he doesn't seem to do much other than bitch and moan. Everyone else is terrific but this guy just rubs me the wrong way. Fortunately other than preseason melt downs I only have to see him once a month and it always involves beer so I can handle it.

My tiny house is overflowing with equipment. I placed an order for what we needed, something cam damaged and when I contacted the company they sent me the ENTIRE order... TWO more times. I am waiting for UPS labels so I can ship them back but in the mean time we can barely move and I have no room to put together my coaches bags. I suppose that is a good thing because i was originally suppose to hand them out tonight but it looks like I have until Monday unless dip shit changes his mind again. I can almost see the board meetings, there are only a few of us but coaches meetings? That is 30 people he is screwing with at a moments notice. They are going to say forget it if he keeps it up and we wont have any coaches. It's like pulling teeth to get anyone to step up and give two hours a week as it is.

Ugh. Sigh. Ugh

Thanks for letting me vent. Hoping April is much calmer.
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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by edbson on Tue Mar 30, 2010 3:56 pm

OH, wow, you have been busy
Sorry about your grandmother, but Cool she might walk again.
It is hard to go thru her stuff, especially when she might want to go back home, but really, can she? I have btdt, and it is tough.


We have been busy too, Dh's uncle had bypass surgery yesterday, after having a mild heart attack thursday., So we helped clean their garage Saturday, the contractors needed it all cleaned by today.....their house burned 3 weeks ago. I think the stress brought on the attack, well, that and the 6 .....75-100% blockages that he had

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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by Rebecca1340 on Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:07 pm

I'm glad you got your grandma to a better home and that they realized what the problem was. It's hard to believe that the other home could be that unprofessional and still operate! Hopefully the soccer thing gets sorted soon. I guess that's one good thing about being sick all winter -- I'm off the hook for coaching baseball this summer!

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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by Lori on Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:28 pm

What a nightmare, Tara. I can relate. In our case, we are not going through Grandma's things, though. Grandma has been on a giving spree for years though, and has said more than once that if there's anything that you want to just ask her so nobody else gets it. I'm cautiously happy with where my grandma is now, but lo and behold, yesterday I get a bill for $3,923 from a pharmacy in Midland. WTH, grandma has insurance!

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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by thebigscott on Wed Mar 31, 2010 2:01 pm

Wow! Overwhelming month seems like an understatement! But I'm really happy you finally found a bed at a decent place for gramma. If you ever have to move her, a friend of mine gave me a great tip for finding out which places are the best or worst. Ask the local paramedics. They regularly go into all the nursing homes and hospitals to transport patients who need ambulance transport to Dr. appts, hospital procedures, etc. They will know which are the dumps and which have the most frequent medical accidents and falls since they provide transport for those as well.

So far, we've kind of lucked out on the process of sorting through elderly family member's possesions. Scott's dad was a hoarder. He was bad enough that when I saw a recent episode of the new TV show "Hoarders" I looked at one guy's pile and thought "amateur!" to myself. But thankfully for us, Scott's mom survived him and was in no hurry to sort through it all. It wasn't like she needed to have the house empty and ready to sell in a month or two. As a family, we've been working our way through the pile for six years now and are probably 80% of the way through it. We still have to go through his house, but he owned a farm and what he did was buy old school buses from the state and use them as storage buildings and stuff them full of stuff. Then there were the barns and storage buildings... lots and lots of them. Plus he kept every vehicle he ever owned. Scott is still working on that. A lot of them we sold for scrap metal to pay to finance getting help on some of the other sorting. So getting it down to just a house that's overstuffed with junk is huge progress. We did have acres of stuff to sort through. Scott's mom has her own house and never allowed him to fill it so she has a nice place to live while we sort through all the junk. If she'd been living IN all that, we'd have had to done it a lot faster. It really isn't safe.
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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by tara on Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:41 pm

Well it gets worse. They moved her to the hospital this morning... the home called and told my mom that Medicare does not pay when she is not there and it's $300 a day to hold the room. They had told her a minimum hospital stay of 6 days for the new hip. Mom didn't have $1500 to hold a bed and I sure don't so she lost it.

Turns out she needs it back now, they aren't doing surgery they did a full body scan and found a large portion of her bones are covered in "something" the doctor told my mom it's most likely an advanced stage of bone cancer but they wont know for sure until tomorrow. Either way she can't have a new hip and will be released tomorrow. My mother has decided that if it is cancer that she wont tell her. I am not sure I agree with that, I get why but..... I wont worry too much, I wasn't there and my mother tends to exaggerate everything so I will wait to see what the doctor says tomorrow.
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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by chelle on Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:50 pm

((((Hugs)))))) Lordy girl, that made me tired!!

Understand on the soccer crap. and lots of prayers for your grandma!!

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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by thebigscott on Thu Apr 01, 2010 2:02 am

Oh Tara! That's so terrible! I hate that she lost her bed on top of the bad news, too. I hope she can get back in quick. Some homes are just awful.

I don't know if I'd tell her or not. I tend to be pretty sucky at keeping secrets plus I think in the end I'd rather know that my time was at hand so that I could say my goodbyes. But it's hard to make that decision for someone else. And sometimes if when they're so sick they know already and it doesn't matter if no one tells.
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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by Lori on Thu Apr 01, 2010 8:11 am

Oh, your poor Grandma. I hate thinking about someone being in pain like that. When my grandma went into the nursing home the first time she had to be transferred to the hospital after about 2 weeks with pneumonia. The nursing home kept all of her stuff there and her bed open so it was ready for her when she got out. She had been settled in for a couple of weeks already, though.

I'm thinking that the hospital will help you in finding someplace for her to be transferred to. Discussion of the cancer should take place, and hospice can be brought in at the proper time, even if she's in the nursing home. They can't really release her unless she'll be able to get proper care. Good luck, Tara, I know it's hard when there's no clear plan. I think they'll work with you on getting the best care available for her.

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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by bizzeedee on Thu Apr 01, 2010 10:15 am



I hardly know what to say, so just know I'm thinking of you and your family.
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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by tara on Thu Apr 01, 2010 1:28 pm

Thanks guys

Gramma is cancer free... more tests this morning. What they saw wasn't something on her bone... they saw NO bone. Almost her entire hip is just gone. They have no idea why or what has caused it (they did say it isn't the osteoporosis) but she is headed back to the nursing home this afternoon. We are going to pick up the tab for her to stay in one of the respite rooms until a bed opens up for her. Hopefully she will get a perm. room soon and she can finally be settled and I can finish cleaning out her house.
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Re: Is it over yet?

Post by thebigscott on Thu Apr 01, 2010 2:43 pm

Oh man! Is there nothing they can do? I suppose they have to have healthy bone to attach an artificial joint to, don't they? (((hugs)))
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