Friend Vent

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Friend Vent

Post by 2BzzOrNot2Bzz on Tue Mar 09, 2010 3:22 pm

Have you ever been pressured by a friend to do stuff? Lately, that's all my "friend" has done lately. Everything is, "Well, it's Lent...therefore you must...". Normally, I don't care, but it's getting on my nerves. It's financially impossible to do 15 mealtrees for all the preggos that I hardly know when I can't even put food on my table. I have told my friend no so many times, yet I get the, "That's not very Christian of you".

Just wanted to vent. Thank you for reading.

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by Lori on Tue Mar 09, 2010 3:35 pm

I think saying "That's not very Christian of you" should be a valid reason to cut someone free from the strings of friendship that are obviously becoming too much to bear. My favorite line from Season 4 of Dexter was "Burying a child in cement? that's not very Christian. Said to a Christian Minister/Serial Killer, it makes sense in that context, but I cannot tolerate that phrase from anyone.

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by KellyM on Tue Mar 09, 2010 3:41 pm

I think there are some of us that must have bullseyes on our foreheads. Out of everyone I know, I seem to be the one thats usually guilted into, pressured, etc all kinds of situations, favors, et cetera. If I don't go along with it then I am labeled a jerk. But the funny thing is I don't ever get offers from any of them. My son, went down to portland with one SIL&BIL to help the other SIL and BIL move (that's a six hour drive one way!) Kris couldn't go because he had to work but the point is that everyone jumped to help them move and this was on the other side of the state. We haven't had an offer for any of them to help us move even one box. This is how it usually goes...I am even getting pressured from my friends daughter who bought our house. Before closing she was telling me to take as much time as I need to move because she wasn't technically going to be living here for another month. This morning all of a sudden she HAS to have everything in by Sunday at the latest. We won't even get the keys for the new house until Friday and can't move anything at all until Sat because Kris has to work Friday. I told her that I was doing things as fast as I could, I can't break and enter into the new house to move stuff in! If she absolutely has to move stuff in Sunday, she can do it, but it won't give me time to clean so she will be moving into a dirty house. I will have one empty small room that she can put boxes in starting tomorrow..and she can put stuff in the garage starting tomorrow if she wants, but I can't do anymore than that.. but yet I had to wait over a month without complaint for her stupid papers that never showed up and didnt' say a word. The older I get, the more I am losing my patience with it and from time to time. I find that sometimes now I do end up saying something. If I don't, I worry I will blow up and say something I will regret. I do get tired of it though.. I would put that friend in a taxing position that gets her nose bent out of joint and if she says anything at all, I would say, "Well that isn't very Christian of you.."
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Re: Friend Vent

Post by Lori on Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:20 pm

I swear I didn't read this before commenting on your Facebook post, Kelly. LOL

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by KellyM on Tue Mar 09, 2010 4:22 pm

Wink
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Re: Friend Vent

Post by thebigscott on Tue Mar 09, 2010 5:17 pm

It's so hard when friends don't understand the constraints of your lifestyle. I'm a stay-at-home mom, and for a long time I had loads of people asking me to do thing for them because I had more time. Very, very few of them offered to buy me stuff because they had more money.

Maybe your friend doesn't realize exactly how tight your budget is right now. But even so it doesn't excuse her judgement of you (which is a super un-Christian thing itself). Stand up for yourself and let her know how it made you feel. But don't expect her to change. Most people don't. You just have to accept that she's going to drive you crazy and decide if you still want her in your life. Good friends are worth the trouble. Bad ones aren't.
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Re: Friend Vent

Post by agaphmou on Tue Mar 09, 2010 7:49 pm

If someone doesn't get it,then I just screen the calls
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Re: Friend Vent

Post by tara on Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:05 pm

thebigscott wrote:It's so hard when friends don't understand the constraints of your lifestyle. I'm a stay-at-home mom, and for a long time I had loads of people asking me to do thing for them because I had more time. Very, very few of them offered to buy me stuff because they had more money.

Maybe your friend doesn't realize exactly how tight your budget is right now. But even so it doesn't excuse her judgement of you (which is a super un-Christian thing itself). Stand up for yourself and let her know how it made you feel. But don't expect her to change. Most people don't. You just have to accept that she's going to drive you crazy and decide if you still want her in your life. Good friends are worth the trouble. Bad ones aren't.

I couldn't agree with you more. It's a hard situation to stand up for yourself in too. I let that happen for a few weeks and then I started telling them up front that my time is valuable and while every now and then I don't mind a favor but if it was going to be an ongoing thing, I would be charging. Funny how the calls came to a screeching halt that day. I make it a point to do for those who don't ask. I will of course help anyone who needs it but calling me to be your free babysitter for the third time in a week because you want to go out with your friends does NOT qualify. Monetarily I don't have much to give and I hate the constant hit up for more- I really don't know how many ways I would hurt someone who had the nerve to tell me it wasn't good enough and invoke their twisted religious views into it.

I agree with Lori as well. I abhor "I'm a better Christian" or "that isn't very Christian" of you. Neither one of those statements are either. I am rather un religious but seem to have a better understanding of what I am not, is suppose to be, than a lot who claim to be.

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by edbson on Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:16 pm

I agree, cut them loose.
I used to have problems with people asking me constantly to do stuff, but not anymore. I do speak up for myself, and am told I " don't have a heart, am a bitch, etc....I don't care.
I don't babysit for free( except Xander) and while i don't mind doing stuff for people, when it seems constant it gets old really quick.

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by chelle on Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:12 am

get you about 4 tagalongs- Very few people want me to do anything with them since I have my kids with me 24/7. LOL

Honestly, I know how it feels, and one of the most Christain things is NOT to pass judgement. So, she is the one who needs to step back. and honestly, I'd tell her that. Matter of fact, I find the verse in the bible and the next time she says "thats not very Christian of you" I'd just simply say: "Mathew 7.1" and walk away. Or hang up, or whatever.



Mathew 7.1 "Judge not, lest you be judged"

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by chelle on Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:20 am

actually 7.2 is pretty good too.

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by Lori on Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:50 am

Actually, it sounds like the meal tree thing is a cause that she's embraced. It's great that she's found something she can do that she's comfortable with and makes her feel like a good Christian, but she has to realize that not everyone is feeling that particular cause in the same way she is. Even if you could afford to help as much as she does, you just may not want to. People are going to start crossing the street to avoid her because they know what's on her mind and don't want to have to say no again.

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by 2BzzOrNot2Bzz on Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:06 pm

Ladies, thank you for letting me vent. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind when I can...but when I can't...I just can't. I stay at home for the past 3 years and while we get by, we're still barely getting by. All my friends know that.

I thought in my late 30s, I'd have better control of my life...but it feels like high school with all the mama drama!

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by trax on Thu Mar 11, 2010 4:15 pm

yep, i thought that in my mid 50's gramma dramaville would have no reel on the spool of film. guess what, the film still reels - i am still
learning lol!
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Re: Friend Vent

Post by Rebecca1340 on Thu Mar 11, 2010 8:06 pm

chelle wrote:
Honestly, I know how it feels, and one of the most Christain things is NOT to pass judgement. So, she is the one who needs to step back. and honestly, I'd tell her that. Matter of fact, I find the verse in the bible and the next time she says "thats not very Christian of you" I'd just simply say: "Mathew 7.1" and walk away. Or hang up, or whatever.



Mathew 7.1 "Judge not, lest you be judged"
I was thinking the exact same thing Chelle although I am so unchristian that I couldn't quote the exact verse. LOL!

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by chelle on Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:51 pm

LOL Rebecca, DONT get me wrong, I knew the general PLACE, but had to look it up to be sure! LOL I am not as christian as I should be. But I am working harder on it Smile I actually decided a few months ago to read the bible from front to back. I'm still in the old testement... LOL

2buzz, Hey- Mid 30's here and REALLY thought I'd have it all together by now, but we are the same way.. So you are NOT alone. I promise. Smile

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by tara on Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:49 am

It took me over a year to read the entire bible the first time, it is kinda boring at points and the wording and form makes it far harder to read than a normal book. Not one you can't wait to sit down and get through the next chapter, lol, at least not me anyway. In fact I would go as far as to say it was work to force myself to finish it. I went in Catholic and by the end I was un-religious. Not atheist, I do believe in God just not organized religion. I filled an entire 3 subject notebook with notes I took along the way. In the end I should have never done it, personally it caused more questions than it answered.

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by tara on Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:51 am

I will say Kudos for doing it though Chelle. Most people don't bother. They pick some verses to read over and over and go to church and take the minister/priests/ pastors interpretation of sections and never go beyond that or make an attempt to think and feel for themselves what it means.

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Re: Friend Vent

Post by chelle on Fri Mar 12, 2010 11:16 am

Thank you Tara. Smile I have a living word (?) bible.. and it helps to explain and points you to cross refrence points. Honestly, I've tried to read the bible before getting this one, and I couldnt. I have to be able to multi task. and its hard enough to fiqure out the phone bill with 4 kids hollering MOM every 3 minutes, much less text that was written in a language spoken a thousand years ago. (or two or ten) - But it is helping me- honestly, I am learning forgiveness, compassion (but I still am VERY hard nosed) and lots of other things. Plus, I feel the need to scalp and duct tape my children to the wall less and less. Smile

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