after all that trouble this fall...

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after all that trouble this fall...

Post by KellyM on Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:16 am

My daughter went and got pregnant again, on purpose this time. I am very upset with her being so selfish. Though I will love my grandchild, I am very disappointed in my daughter. She is living in Section 8 housing a town away and they aren't paying rent due to having no income, because neither her or her bf are working. They are five months behind on the electric bill (which is the only bill they have to pay). How does she propose to buy diapers when the baby comes? They have no vehicle, neither one of them has a license, and neither one of them finished school. Now that we have just bought the new house, once we get in it and start paying our new mortgage payments, we are not in a position to help her at all.
I am so pissed. I mean, what kind of life is my future grandchild going to have? She told me yesterday that she was about 7 weeks along..so basically they didn't waste any time after losing the last baby before getting pregnant again. The Dr told her when she lost the last baby that it would not be a good idea to get pregnant again for at the very least, 6 months to avoid it happening again. I think she planned it on purpose as a way to try to keep her bf around and to try to prove to everyone that they are wrong about him (no one in the immediate or extended family likes him). Ughh..I don't know what she is thinking..
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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by tara on Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:47 pm


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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by thebigscott on Mon Feb 15, 2010 2:25 pm

I'm so sorry. I was actually thinking about her last night. I was going to ask you today how she was doing post-miscarriage. I thought maybe she'd want to try again, but wow -- very bad planning. And the lack of money is going to make things a lot more stressful.
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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by Lori on Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:14 pm

Wow, I don't know what to say. It's really too bad that they're willing to throw their welfare on the generosity of others. I mean , we all hope we can depend on family when absolutely necessary, but this is just blatantly announcing to the world to pencil them in for the next 18 years.

I actually talked to my son the other day and came away from that conversation feeling a little helpless and frustrated. His money management skills could use a little fine-tuning. I want to be able to say that I raised no fool, but damn...he is trying his best to prove me wrong.

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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by edbson on Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:37 pm

Sorry this has happened, but I would make it clear right now that you WILL NOT be able to help financially. If you don't do it now, you will be on the hook for the next 20 years.
I would also suggest she look for a job now, before she is obviously pg, and he look too.

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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by agaphmou on Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:00 pm

wow,seriously why isn't he working? im sure he could find a mcdonalds to work at ,at the very least
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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by bizzeedee on Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:08 pm

edbson wrote:Sorry this has happened, but I would make it clear right now that you WILL NOT be able to help financially. If you don't do it now, you will be on the hook for the next 20 years.
I would also suggest she look for a job now, before she is obviously pg, and he look too.

total agreement`
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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by bizzeedee on Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:16 pm

I'm really sorry for her Kelly... she's setting herself up (and any childen) for a live of poverty.

I speak from experience... I have a niece, all of 30 years old... two husbands, 6 children (4 by current hubby), plus one stillbirth, and a new one on the way, oh another (the first) given up for adoption... her loafer of a husband has 2 that spend most weekends with them. He's the father of 3 of hers. (have you lost count? I do)

Add to that, her oldest daughter, all of 18, has a child of her own, sans marriage.

all living on the handouts of the government.

the cycle continues until one day, one of them says "enough" and changes the pattern (and there is hope for one of my great nieces)

It breaks my heart... not for my niece, but all the great nieces & nephews.
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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by KellyM on Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:23 pm

The thing is, neither of them WANT to work. If they can get by just barely by him doing an odd job here and there for 20 bucks, then that is ALL they do. Lori, I agree with you, they have no consideration how this affects everyone else. They live in a town that doesn't have a health center, or hospital, they have no vehicle or license to drive themselves to Dr appointments. She hasn't given a thought to how she is going to get there, she just figures " I have to go to my appointments, so someone will have to take me."

erin, I did tell her when she gave me the news that especially now, more than before, we won't be able to help out because with the new mortgage we won't have the money. If we did have the money, I might be tempted to help, but I won't have that option. What I can see happening though, is that they will get themselves in a spot where they are kicked out of their apt and will expect us to take them all in. I have already told her that I will not let her bf ever live in my house, (he would probably case the place) and that while, yes, the new house does have extra rooms, that my house is not a hotel. Even if it was just her, the extra groceries, the extra cost on the light bill, laundry, etc might be pushing it. But I think again, that she just isn't thinking and assumes that if they are tossed out on their asses that someone will have to help because she is pregnant. Of course that isnt' mentioning that her bf has unpaid court fines and will probably end up getting thrown in jail at any time.
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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by edbson on Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:33 am

Honestly, if it comes to it, a few nights of ' oh what do i do now that I am on the streets and pg' might do her some good. I have seen it.
M cousin was the same way, no job, bf having no job, and neither really seemed to want one. She got tossed out of public housing because he beat her up and she refused to press charges. She was living in her car with a 2 yo, so she dropped the kid off with her Dad and step mother for a few weeks. She actually got her shit together in a few weeks time, she got a job, got an apt. Filed charges on the bf, he has been in and out of jail/prison since.
Her DD is 19 now, she is married, has a great job, a life, and I never ever thought she could do it. All it took was a few nights of 'what do I do now that I am homeless'.

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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by agaphmou on Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:46 am

I agree with EDBSON,you have to be strong enough to give some tough love. Only then can she snap out of it
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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by chelle on Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:33 pm

I'm so sorry Kelly. SOOO sorry. i pray that at least one of them steps up to bat- But the biggest thing is you have to stand your ground. My grandparents never let my mother fall on her face- picked her up after 6 or 7 marraiges. kept me while she 'got her life together', spent hundreds of thousands on her. and she is still worthless as teets on a boar hog. actually wants someone to come and change the lightbulbs in the house that my grandfather bought for her to 'buy' from him. I am not that way. I was pissed yesterday because I had to snag a cousin (who came by for me to do them a favor) to move my fridge out of the hole so I could look at it, because I wasnt strong enough to move it myself when it started making a weird noise.

Lori, search out and find a book by Dave Ramsey. He might even have one for young people. But even if he doesnt, reading a book geared towards those already in trouble would still help.b he does talk about how to start out right. I wish I had been given one of his books when I first started out. But it might help your son.

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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by trax on Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:21 pm

K - geez, one of those rare moments when i am lost 4 words. tough love, is a good thing.
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Re: after all that trouble this fall...

Post by Rebecca1340 on Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:28 pm

I really do hope she turns herself around. Good luck!

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