can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

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can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by tara on Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:41 pm

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Why is it, that at 28.... 13 years after I was thrown out "left" home (yup that is right I was 15) my parents can still piss me off to the point I want I just want to bang my head against the wall?

Karen... please read my blog (because I am too lazy to write it all again) and tell me what you think. You are so level headed and I just don't know what to do.

Anyone have any advice on how to deal with them that benefits everyone short of just letting them continue to blantly disreagrd my thoughts and feelings and undermind the kind of lifestyle I want my kids to have?

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by aundrea2u on Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:51 pm

i just read your blog and sadly I was in your situation I was kicked out at 15 as well and sadly you may not like this but I think your parents are right. spoiling grandkids is their right and honestly nothing terrible will ever come of this unless your daughter is with them every day. Relax and let your parents enjoy the grandparent feeling.
As for the car seat I would just explain that you noticed they were to loose (maybe its how they take it off) I know my mother in law loosens them to take my kids out cause she thinks its how your supposed to do it.

Grandchildren are true medicine for grandparents let them enjoy their grand babies cause one day they will be gone and you will be wishing they were around to spoil your daughter.


Hope this doesn't offend you its just my view point

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by Rebecca1340 on Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:52 pm

I can see why you're pissed. I'm pissed for you!

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by Rebecca1340 on Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:00 pm

aundrea2u wrote:i just read your blog and sadly I was in your situation I was kicked out at 15 as well and sadly you may not like this but I think your parents are right. spoiling grandkids is their right and honestly nothing terrible will ever come of this unless your daughter is with them every day. Relax and let your parents enjoy the grandparent feeling.
As for the car seat I would just explain that you noticed they were to loose (maybe its how they take it off) I know my mother in law loosens them to take my kids out cause she thinks its how your supposed to do it.

Grandchildren are true medicine for grandparents let them enjoy their grand babies cause one day they will be gone and you will be wishing they were around to spoil your daughter.


Hope this doesn't offend you its just my view point
I have to disagree and hopefully won't offend you! Spoiling grandchildren isn't a right, it's a privilege. What they're doing is undermining all of Tara's work to eat healthier -- we all know that it's easier to fall into the habit of eating poorly than it is to eat healthy foods! It's also disrespectful to her as a parent if they completely disregard her requests every weekend. If they really want to spoil their granddaughter, why not take her to the park for the day or make a special trip to the zoo. She'll remember those times much more fondly after they're gone than she will sitting on a couch eating junk.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by tara on Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:16 pm

aundrea2u wrote:i just read your blog and sadly I was in your situation I was kicked out at 15 as well and sadly you may not like this but I think your parents are right. spoiling grandkids is their right and honestly nothing terrible will ever come of this unless your daughter is with them every day. Relax and let your parents enjoy the grandparent feeling.
As for the car seat I would just explain that you noticed they were to loose (maybe its how they take it off) I know my mother in law loosens them to take my kids out cause she thinks its how your supposed to do it.

Grandchildren are true medicine for grandparents let them enjoy their grand babies cause one day they will be gone and you will be wishing they were around to spoil your daughter.


Hope this doesn't offend you its just my view point

No it doesn't offend me but they have her two- three days a week, if it was every now and then I would say go for it but they want to have her on a reguloar basis and for that reason I expect them to respect my wishes. I know shot would have hit the fan if it was my gramma not doing what my mother wanted... all I want is the same respect. I have an issue with them thinking they need to buy/feed their way to her heart and it is just not necessary. I do agree with Rebecca.... it is a privledge not a right. At the end of the day I am the mother and I have every right to say I don't want my 4 year old filled up with shit. I am not a super health freak, I am not saying she can never have a cookie, but I want moderation and I want the bad habits (munching chips while watching tv) to end, there is no need for it to be a daily thing.... that sort of thing, at least to me is a special treat like watching a movie with a bowl of popcorn.

The car seat isn't even a question.... there is NO bending on my part on that... not even a little bit. Not buckling her correctly is completely irresponsible and I do NOT mess with my daughters safety no exceptions and on that one I don't care who I piss off. Perhaps I am anal, and if so that's okay.. more people should be. I am the person who will call the cops on you if I pass you and see your kids who obviously should be in car seats bouncing around the car, or a baby on a lap. I think it's neglectful and it's endangering their welfare.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by honcho on Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:23 pm

I would absolutely put your foot down. You are their mother. End of discussion. I agree with Rebecca that it is a privilege, not a right. I am thinking that your parents still see you (wrongly of course) as a 15 year old that doesnt know what she is doing. They are YOUR kids not theirs. If it was me I would sit them down and say here are my rules. If she is going to come over these rules need to be followed. I would allow a bit of spoiling as a treat, ok one dessert IF a healthy dinner is served etc.

Somehow you need to present it as them "helping" you to teach a healthy life style. Maybe they wont see it as an attack. Also the more level headed (not arguing) the better.

I still have this wonderful visual of my younger brother holding his daughter (the first grand baby) out to our mother and saying "my baby, myyyyy baby!! Not the parent!!" he was saying it in a joking voice but in response to my mom saying he shouldn't be bouncing the baby like that. It was great!! And boy did she back off Smile

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by tara on Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:44 pm

I've tried that approach, the helping me teach and then the this is how it has to be approach as well. What kills me is my mother buys all this fat free, low fat food, runs on the treadmill, walks 5 miles and she just apparently can not see where I am coming from. She battles with her weight although she was a skinny skinny child. I just don't get it, instead she chooses to try to shame me for not wanting a fat kid. It isn't about the size of my kid... I want her to be healthy, and yes I want her to be a reasonable weight. It's a fact people feel better and have more energy when they eat right and teaching a 4 year old it's okay to eat nothing but junk is not okay with me. Yes it's true I don't want her to be fat. Not becuase I would love her any less (which seems to be what is implied) but because I WAS a fat kid... I was picked on and ridiculed and miserable because of it. I know she can not possible understand ho wdamaging that was to my self esteem but she could at least try. Of course I didn't know any better, no one taught me any better so my answer to that was to go eat some more. All I want is a better lifestyle for my own kids. I don't park them in front of the TV as a babysitter and I don't feed them junk just because they get upset if I say no. Sadly the above was how my mother raised us while she locked herself in her room and ignored us.

I think it was also implied that I was cruel for shutting of the satelite and not having cartoons for her 24 hours a day. Heck we barely get PBS with the rabbit ears. I think there are worse things in the world than not having cable TV.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by chelle on Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:13 am

Tara,
I am with you 100%, and honestly, the ONLY thing that has EVER helped for me. ( and it doesnt help much, shit just slides back to what they THINK they should be able to do.) is to say "bite me"

You are right. its YOUR choice. I pissed my mom off tonight, because I came into her house and Rayley had a peice of gum. Not a big deal you say. She is 4. I have put 6 grand into her mouth ALREADY. She has the WORST teeth you have ever seen. She actually has porcilin crowns on all her front top teeth. Part of this is because its heridiatary. Part is because she doesnt have to brush her teeth at my MIL's. (cause she forgets). All my kids are the same.
BUT on top of that, I used to allow a piece of gum on occasion, but Rayley will spit it out anywhere. my truck, my carpet, stick it to a wall. And no amount of disipline has worked. so NO GUM.
WHne I told her to spit it out RIGHT then, my mom got all pissy. I told her, SHE knows better. 4 or 40. I have told her she cant have gum.

She was already mad because when I came in earlier (my mom kept them while I picked peas) she was INFRONT of the TV eating jelly toast. Now my boys are NOT allowed to eat in her living room, but rayley is differnt. I dont allow my children to eat in my living room. Like you said, its a privlidge not a gimme. Matter of fact, my kids dont get cartoons at my house. Unless I want to watch some bugs bunny. And she is still using a sippy over there. so she doesnt spill in the living room. Your right, get up and get a freakin drink.

My grandfather, he does the same thing, ignores me. So I blew the F-- up. I mean, I literly threw a running, screaming, fit one day, from one of his sisters houses to the other and then to my moms and finally to his. I was looking for my kids. AND the thing was my mom had them while I was at work. I LEFT work, came home and found my damn kids. He had ignored my directive that my children were NOT to be around his new step grandchildren AT ALL. no matter WHAT> I had given him my reasons. (the least of which is they are bipolar, have ADHD, are 4 times the size of mine, the youngest was kicked out of 2, 3, and 4th grades for throwing chairs and desks in class, AND the older one has all of that plus.... issues with another problem. one that resulted in me threatning his manhood him if he ever came close to my kids again. )
anyway, my GF went to my moms house, got the kids for a picnic and off they went to my greataunts house (all on the same road, same 50 acres.) I found out. Thats when I came unglued.
He had ignored me, blew off my reasons, and just done what he wanted. This had went on for months. After that he was not allowed to have my children over, ever, as long as that kid was there. and this time it stuck. Cause when I left work, explained to EVERYoNE exactly WHY I didnt want those two ... mental cases around my kids, (he had asked me not to mention the first incidences to anyone) He realized I was serious. Luckily the older kid has went to a mental ward or something, and the mom moved to another town so the younger one isnt around anymore. My grandfather was literly NEVER allowed to see my kids unless I was there. Cause that brat was ALWAYS there. Just lately he has been able to. They even spent the night last night with him. (and the woman he married).

Now he did try to sneak one over on me about a month ago, He picked my kids up here, to go to his sisters for ice cream. Well, he failed to mention Shane would be there (the youngest one, he is a year older than brett) I guess he thought enough time had passed and I had forgotten, well that kid pulled his same old crap, and Matt knocked the hell out of him, then went in the house and annouced what he had tried to do and when everyone was shocked he said "but its alright, I knocked the hell out of him". That was it. My grandfather called me and appologised. TOld me what happened, and said "I guess you were right" I really didnt belive it would happen".

You have EVERY right to do as you please with your kids. My family wants me to let my boys grow out their hair. NO. used to get mad cause I wont let the boys wear sandles. I explained to them, "they are MY kids, if I insist the boys wear nothing but purple, that is what they will wear. its that simple, buy sandles, I throw them away, same as I did the barney shit you bought"

I end up pissing them off, they dont speak to me for a few weeks, but they eventually come around. And they will start to listen. Thats all you have to do. Tell them the truth. You are NOT going to be pushed over. Cause in the end, YOU are the one paying the dental bill, You are the one dealing with upset tummys, and you will be dealing with why your 200 lb 4th grader cant wear a hannah montanna bikini like all her freinds. If, GOD FORBID, they dont get blindsided while running to McDonalds to grab a shake and fries and she end up paralized or worse.

Heck, they are lucky. I dont let my mother drive with my kids at all.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by chelle on Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:16 am

Tara, I didnt read your last post beore I wrote all that, but the two points you made echo'd me. or I echo'd you. Smile

Tell them, my way or the highway. Its hard, and it will hurt, but honestly, I have always felt SOOO much better when I stood up and told the family to kiss off. They will come around. And dont think its petty for these 2 or 3 things to be the stuff that you are blowin gup about. Its just the straw that broke the camels back.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by aundrea2u on Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:33 am

Okay i see your point cause they have your kids more then 1 night. Lay down the law or pre-pack meals for them. My in laws rarely see my kids without me or dh so we allow them to spoil them when they are alone which is maybe 1 time a month. If i read your blog properly my answer would have been different. I assumed they had then 1 night here and there.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by Missy on Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:34 am

everyone else has said it. YOU are the mother and it is YOUR rules. I am lucky that my son's grandma's listen to my rules, BUT they only see him a few times a year. But with your parents getting her a few times a week, that is enough to take all that you are trying to teach her and blow it out the window. Thus, continuing the struggle of the weight. That cycle needs to be broken. And you have a way that you have chosen. You need to sit down with them and tell them that it is your way, or their visitations would be limited, or whatever else that you decide to do.

I wish you luck. I also left home at an early age, practically at 15 too, but officially (took everything and moved out) at 17. My Mom for awhile did see me at that rebellious 17 year old for some time, but once I was able to show her that I have grown up and now am making better decisions for myself (and my family), she is able to give me the respect I have earned. Your parents sound (like said) that maybe they haven't reached that.

I do not know your personal story, but I wish you the best of luck with dealing with things. You sound like you are a great mother, and that is what matters the most.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by BeachyBum on Fri Jul 25, 2008 6:51 am

Tara,

You know that quote from Einstein 'Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. '

You've went round and round with them, putting your foot down and it ends in a fight.

What I would do at this point is sit down with your parents, (no distractions) and tell them how it makes you feel when they disregard your wishes. Tell them what you felt as a kid, tell them how you feel now if you struggle with weight. Tell them how it makes you feel when you're disrespected. (You know Mom, it makes me feel as though you don't trust me as a parent, and it hurts my heart to think my feelings are no concern to you). The heavy stuff. I think it's easier to ignore someone's requests or views when you know that each time you do that, you're causing them emotional pain. Once you've brought your feelings into the mix, it's ALL on the table. Oh, and talk to them about the things your daughter loves about them and doing with them, and remind them that they are loved because of those things, not because of the food. Food has been used in this country as a reward system unknowingly forever. I use it with myself a lot (emotional eater).

If they continue to act this way after you've told them how it truly makes you feel, then I'd change the situation. By this point, your parents have had it all laid out on the table and then it's their action that will cause the consequence.

I'd certainly allow them to see your daughter still, but maybe plan times when she's already eaten, or plan activites that incluse you and your family with them, so they can see you control the situation.

Anyway, just my thoughts .... it's a tough situation all around and I'm sorry you have to be dealing with it Sad

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by aurora04 on Fri Jul 25, 2008 7:17 am

I haven't read all the replies yet (I'm in a bit of a rush trying to get the kids and myself ready to leave the house in 20 minutes, LOL).

Both sets of Grandparents spoil my kids. I learned to deal with it for the majority of the time, BUT they all have to follow our main rules regardless. My inlaws are no longer allowed to install the carseats (they think as long as it's anchored in the back it's fine, and the rest of the carseat can slide around, tip on it's side, etc...). If they want to go anywhere, then we install the carseats. Sometimes that's a PIA, but we do it because we know they won't. If they are being punished by having no treats, that same punishment goes at the Grandparents house. My inlaws FINALLY started following that one without a fight. It took DH blowing up at MIL for them to do it. Now they ask us before they allow the kids to have anything (unless of course we're not there, then it's a free for all unless we tell them otherwise).

I have everyone following my car seat rules now. My little sister takes Ceilidh to Bible Camp, and on Wednesday my mother had to work so they had to walk to her work (5 minute walk max). Several people said just to strap her in and they would drive them down since it's "just to the store". My sister politely told them that I would kill her, and since it's "just to the store" they could walk. I've trained her well. My father on the other hand doesn't quite understand the whole car seat thing, but my little sister reminds him who his other daughter is and my views on car seats. LOL. My MIL is now wanting Ceilidh in a booster because none of Ceilidh's friends are in car seats anymore. I politely (or maybe not so politely) told her that a lot of her friends drive in the front seat with no booster and should I allow that as well? I got no comment on that one. She has since given up talking to me about it. I want the 5 pt harness booster seat for her, and MIL wants her to have a normal highback booster. She is still 5 lbs too light for one of those, but "that's close enough" apparently. LOL

WOW, that took a lot longer to type than I was expecting. Now I have 10 minutes. LOL

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by Scar on Fri Jul 25, 2008 7:19 am

Tara, I REALLY want to weigh in on this because I'm in the unique position of being both Mommy & Grammy at the same time, I just woke up and my "word skills" are still are asleep.
I'll be back

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by edbson on Fri Jul 25, 2008 9:25 am

I have not read all the replies, and I am like Scar and my word skills are still asleep, but I will give it a shot.
Here is what I did when having the EXACT same problems with MIL, and oldest DD. I said " You cannot follow my rules, then she cannot visit," . Period, end of discussion. I told her she was more then welcome to visit DD here, or with us present, but she was no longer to take her anywhere alone, since it was unsafe and all.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by 59pearly on Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:02 am

Good morning, Tara. I don't really have a lot of advice about the actual problems but...

Your parents and relatives have sold you a big bag of baloney. They know you will be upset with them and can count on your reactions 100%. They know exactly how you feel and they count on that to fulfill whatever needs these things feed.

Be come unpredictable with them. Try and not say anything to them at all about the incidents, pick your daughter up as usual, take her home and continue with your very practical and healthy routine without saying anything to your parents or her. When she says she has a tummy ache, just do what you usually do to ease it. If you do this for a while, you will be able to remove your emotions from the situations so you can see another way of dealing with it.

For sure, it is serious and I don't blame you at all for your diet regimen. You are absolutely correct about everything. What you don't want to do is involve your kids in the emotional part of that. So, when you pick of your daughter, just give her a hug, Mommy is glad to see you, little brother is waiting at home... To your parents, "well, we will see you next week? Have a great evening, we're off. We have plans this evening." Adjust the car seat and prepare to go through your emotions mentally, trying not to let on to the kids that you are upset cause you just know what happened at Saturated, Not Real Food Heaven over the weekend.

It's not that the new reaction has to be the correct one. What is important is that it is new. That will knock the socks off of everyone. They will try again and even harder to get you to come back to the old emotions but don't do it, no matter what it takes. This will upset them even more. What will happen is that they will start watching and listening to see what you will do next. They will feel things about you that they have never experienced and guess what? New respect.

Your parents are still trying to make you do what they want since they were unsuccessful the first fifteen years. They don't want to be wrong so they are going to hold their ground with you through your kids. I can see that you love them because you have continued to honor them even though they do not return that respect so much. Best of all, you all really do love each other.

Your Dad is a hoot about having survived from all the stuff in his childhood. What he should realize is that a lot of things are manufactured differently these days. Burgers used to be pure ground beef, not stuffed with fillers and full of preservatives, etc. So many things are chemical-based that ingesting them is making our kids unhealthy, etc. This is something that can be discussed with him, how good the products were in the old days as compared to how artificial things are these days. The good ole days were better, weren't they dad?

To get back to an earlier point, this is probably what happens: You are a beloved and continued source of energy in their lives. They get the kids, do all their somewhat not so nice deeds, you pick the kids up, go emotional about what went on, go home upset, your parents have a whole week to discuss what is the big deal with you and then it begins again on the next weekend.

By not buying into their agenda, they will have to find something else to talk about for five days. By removing your emotions from the whole scene you will effect more strength to get through it. Your children will benefit the most. They will see a mom who loves and respects her parents but who is also doing the best thing for them all around. They will feed off your strength and may even one day soon tell your parents, No thanks, Granma. Do you have an apple?

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by tara on Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:02 pm

Well thanks guys, I'm glad you all don't also think I am the worst most ungrateful child on the planet. I am also glad I am not the only mother who thinks raising my children is my responsibility and I have the right to do it as I please.

I hate fighting with them, all though anytime you disagree with them it turns into a fight, but this time I just couldn't sit back and be ignored anymore. I guess I just don't see what is so difficult about at least making the effort to understand why things aren't the same as they were 50 years ago (no car seats, lead paint) things that are just common sense to me.

I have decided to tell them, when they will answer the phone and speak to me again (there are no discussions with them... it's the silent treatment until they want something and them tehy pretend nothing happened) that Saige will NOT be going over anymore until they can at least acknowledge my wishes and she will not be getting in the car with them again until they have gone to a car seat check and learn (because i don't know what I am talking about) how to do it properly. I love my parents and they will be mad but my kids will be safer and that is just more important.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by chelle on Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:00 pm

I understand how hard it is Tara. Belive me. I have done it and its hard, my family and BR's are the same way. But THEY are all still speaking to me, getting my kids and such. Even if it took a few months Smile

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by tegansmom on Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:40 am

Tara,

I feel for you. Man o' man, standing up to the parents on parenting is hard. I'm lucky because I don't depend on my parents that often, and my parents have healthy eating habits and healthy snacks on hand. Also, most of my rules my mom follows through on since they make sense. No eating or drinking any where in the house but the kitchen (this is more for me than healthy reasons.... I hate having to clean up spilt juice or whatever), and no playing in the front of the house unless an adult is present (cars drive too quickly for a 5 year old to trust in that situation) are just a couple of examples. So I've never had to confront my parents about parenting.

Now my MIL was a different story (yes I said was.... she passed away more than a year ago). I'm not sure how she would have handled the kids being older, (she loved babies but when they hit 3 yo she stopped paying attention to them), so I think more than anything if she was watching the kids it would be more like...." you have to actually watch what they are doing to make sure they are safe!" situation.

I think honestly you shouldn't let your daughter go over there until this is settled. Your family and daughter is the most important thing and if they can't see it, THEY have the problem. Not you.

I think everyone has given some good advice on how to confront them so I won't reiterate.

Stay strong.... you are doing the right thing!

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by tara on Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:44 am

I fired them off a letter this morning, since they wont take my calls. I swear they have the maturity of well......

I should say I don;t really depend on them for anything often. I can count on one hand the times I have actually asked them to take her... they ask for her. Then get pissy when we have other plans ( I think I know what separated parents feel like fighting for time with their own kids) They do give us a lot, but it is just that they give us... we don;t ask. We do appreciate but it all comes with a price, there is no gifts from them everything has strings attached.

They do a lot with her ( only her they have very little interest in my son) and they do buy her a lot but it is all unnecessary extras and even then 90% of it has to stay at their house not allowed to come home. For example my mom has 5 pairs of shoes for her at her house, I have 2 here, she isn't allowed to bring her others home. Then she steals my clothes for Saige and sends her home in clothes she outgrew last year. I have no idea why my mother is this way. She has serious issues and is completely use to getting her way by throwing around the guilt and the silent treatment. And I swear they make a point to throw in our faces that they can afford to spoil her more than we can and can afford to buy her nicer things than we do.

I have reached my boiling point. I wont back down this time. I am done.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by Lori on Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:16 am

tara wrote:And I swear they make a point to throw in our faces that they can afford to spoil her more than we can and can afford to buy her nicer things than we do.

This reminds me so much of a shower I went to last year. My friend has a daughter who got married at a very young age (18, and still in high school) and has 3 children now. I was sitting across from her daughter's mother-in-law at the shower. I listened to this woman cut down her parenting skills, and then she told me that she had bought her oldest grandaughter a couple of outfits for school. She said "Well, now at least I know she'll have something to wear 2 days of the week. Lord knows what she's go ing to wear the other 3." Clearly, the little darling has clothes, in fact she was fully clothed at the shower, so what gave this woman the right to spread her nastiness around. I don't think I'll ever forget that, and I told my friend she was a real saint for putting up with the woman and actually asking her to the shower. She told me that she's really helped the kids as far as making ends meet, but I have to wonder if it could ever be worth the price.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by tara on Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:21 am

These stories make me sad (no don't feel bad, lol) that it is MY mom an dad who pull this kind of stuff. I love my inlaws, they are terrific in that respect. They never under mind me and have been nothing but supportive, and even if they are faking it, they do a damn good job. I have no doubt they think I am a nut case but they don;t say so in front of my kids. I suppose I could fault my MIL a bit for waiting on hubby hand and foot and not teaching him to do anything on his own but I knew that coming into all this. LOL

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by Lori on Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:49 am

Tara, it really helps to have a sense of humor where our families come in. Hubby and I recognize each of our parents' quirks and can have a private laugh or eye-roll when they start acting up. It would be much worse if I was fuming all by myself at the stunts they pull. It doesn't matter if its your mom or his, you have to deal with it either way.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by chelle on Sat Jul 26, 2008 2:03 pm

I agree with lori. And there have been times when I had to get him to call his mother (once) and he told her how the cow ate the cabbage. He also has taken up for me in my family.

And just like you Tara, my MIL waited on her kids hand and foot. STILL does. I swear to you, there are 3 bowls and 2 plates by BR's chair. his boots are in front of it (since I relented and put down a mat for boots to be put on about 3 feet in front of his chair against the wall, this PISSES me off. he gets his feelings hurt and gets all pissy if I put his shoes in the ;.... CLOSET)

He actually gets mad at me because I make the kids (or try to) clean their room, sayaing that I am too hard on them. Or help me pick up the living room and put up their own laundry. If he only knew how agervating it was to have a spotless house and then his bowls and plates, and boots, and socks, scattered all over.

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Re: can you see the steam coming out of my ears?

Post by tara on Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:32 am

Mine sure wont pick up after himself but he doesn't care that I make the kids pick up after themselves. I ain't their maid, although they don't seem to know it.

So I wrote my parents an email, because they wouldn't answer my calls, and besides they hang up as soon as you say something they don't want to hear anyway.

I waited until I was calm, wrote what I thought was a rather calm reasonable letter explaining why I feel my kids should be buckled and why I want then to have a good diet and that until tehy could respect my wishes they are more than welcome to come here, but the kids would not be going there.

So my dad wrote back and I quote.

"I am not speaking for your mother just myself.
I will not be seeing Saige or Rylan again. I went through this with Aarons mother and swore I would not do it again and I meant it. You win.
Dad"

So instead of just saying hey we will try, he would rather never see my kids again then let me have a say in what they do.

My mom on the other hand wrote back a lot more, not once said hey I'm sorry, instead it was she hopes I am happy with what I have done to9 everyone and that I don't care about my kids I am just pulling this to hurt her. Everything I have ever done in my life has been to hurt her and I have a problem.

I know this to get me to back down and I am devastated but even more I am PISSED. Their grandchildren mean so little to them that they can not give, not even a quarter inch.

What do I do now... how do I explain to a 4 year old that her poppa wont be seeing her anymore unless mommy says he can do as he pleases?

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